Last year around this time, I spent the last day with my mom while she was awake. It was on Mother’s Day that we received a call that the hospital (where she had stayed earlier in the week) had received tests results back that had showed she had a serious infection. That infection was Sepsis, developed suddenly that week. My mom had been battling cancer for years off and on, and it had finally taken a toll that past week.
That morning, on Mother’s Day, we rushed her back to the hospital, where they provided her fluids and some antibiotics, and once again had sent her home stating there was nothing more they could do for her as she was listed under hospice care and was a DNR.
It was only a few hours later, that I would see my mom’s eyes open, and hear her voice, for the very last time. It was a few days later when she had gone to be with the Lord.
I miss my mom. We didn’t always see eye to eye. We argued. We fussed. But there was, even in all the disagreement… Love. I loved her, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she loved me.
If I knew what I knew now, there would have been some things I would have said differently, and had done differently. Instead of rolling over and allowing her to think what she may, I would have spoken up, and told her how I really felt and probably would have brought her mind to ease about our relationship.
But if my mom knew anything, she knew that I was not one for confrontation; and it was never easy to openly share my feelings on a matter. And rather than speak up and share said feelings, I rather allow people to think what they may, which sometimes may not have been the best approach – but it was nonetheless mine. And she knew that well.
Knowing that, I believe wholeheartedly, my mom knew just how much I truly did love her, and that I knew that she believed in me, prayed for me, and desired nothing but the best for me – no matter what life circumstances were thrown our way as a family, and as individuals.
No matter the hardships, the mother-daughter quarrels, she was my mom, and I so greatly miss her; and I could never express my gratitude to God, for blessing me with the time we did have together.
Never, ever forget, no matter WHAT you have gone through… God gave you the mothers you have for a reason. It’s all about understanding and walking in God’s loving intent for our lives through them.
Hopefully that made sense…
Love you, guys!